i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
