the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
