Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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