so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
