the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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