I cockslap morals
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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