i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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