I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
