im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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