you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Michael Bay diarrhea
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Boobs speak an international language.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
