so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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