Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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