Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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