sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
