Your mouth is God's brothel.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
