420 ftw
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
