Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
