I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
