you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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