and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i think i just lost a toe
I smell like Dick and happiness
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
