well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's official drugs can't kill me
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
