So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
