I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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