I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
