Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
