Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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