you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
