drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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