Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
