so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
