I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
