I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
