i love accidental penises.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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