I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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