I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
