Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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