worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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