yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
