First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize