it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She tied me up with her honor cords...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
