Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
