walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
3 2 1 whiskey
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
