dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
