Yo dont text me then not text me
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
