Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
