I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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