she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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