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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
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