I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
