I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
