my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
