yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
