There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
