I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
