You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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