She is in my trunk
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
