So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Michael Bay diarrhea
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Is Oprah even human
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
