Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
