Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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