I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
