Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
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