ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
