So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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