Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
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Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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