Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
