420 ftw
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
