Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
