I'm really into asian looking animals
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Randomize
