Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
