She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
