I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize